me and you and our dogs all sleeping together on our king sized bed
Don’t date someone you wouldn’t own a dog with
making fun of your kid for enjoying the things they enjoy is the quickest way to make them feel so completely isolated from you that they are more comfortable talking to strangers on the internet than you about their problems
don’t buy your girl flowers. flowers die. buy her a potted cactus
if you shame girls about their breast size i will push you into traffic
"Who’s flat now?"
whos flat now